He Knows

By: Missionary Team

There is this song, sung by Jeremy Camp. It is called “He Knows”. I used to listen to it while I was growing up. Now as I look at the lyrics, I can see just how relatable this song is to my own life. Towards the beginning of the song are these words:

All the bitter weary ways, endless striving day by day, you barely have the strength to pray, in the valley low, how hard your fight has been, how deep the pain within, wounds that no one else has seen, hurts too much to show, all the doubt you're standing in between, and all the weight that brings you to your knees....

He knows, He knows, every hurt and every sting, He has walked the suffering, He knows, He knows, let your burdens come undone, lift your eyes up to the one, who knows...He knows!

I feel man! This sounds like the story of my life! Rewind to me in 2017. I was a mess. I would go to my bedroom and close the door. I would lie down on my bed and I would cry. Not gonna lie, I cried a lot.

I felt alone, so alone. Nobody knew what I was going through. They couldn’t see the inner struggles inside of me. The self-hatred, the thoughts that I was messed up, that things would be better if I wasn’t around, and that I was only a problem. I felt incompetent and thought that everybody else thought similar things about me.

I also never spoke about these inner struggles that I was facing. So I felt very alone. I had no one to go to. Yes, I had some good friends who I spent lots of fun times with, but we never really talked about big struggles. And I never spoke about them at home. So I was alone. Or so I thought...

But these feelings of inadequacy and this deep loneliness were some of the greatest gifts that I received. Because it was when I had no one that I could go to, when I lay in bed sobbing, that I turned to prayer. I would pray for help or go to the Bible to fight the thoughts or anger in my mind. If I wasn’t alone, if I didn’t struggle with myself, I wouldn’t have fallen on my knees and poured out my heart to God. If I didn’t have the struggles I still have, I wouldn’t have met God as my Father in the special way that I have!

So in short, I’ve been there. The endless day by day fight, the low times, the pain that no one else could see, all of my doubts, and the pain that brought me to my knees. I’ve been there. I would act like I was okay around people, but I was not. And I was ashamed of my tears. I had been told time and again that I was too emotional and cried too much. But maybe my tears were a gift too...

Yet despite all of this, I was never alone...God always knew what was happening. He saw everything. And He went through the pain and loneliness that I was now experiencing. I have now realized that I need to give my burdens to the Lord. I need to look up to the Cross and surrender to Him who surrendered His life for me. I need to know that there is never a moment that He has not seen and that He has not been aware of. He was always with me and He always will be.

And He is always there for you too! You are not alone! HE KNOWS!!!