It's Not About What I Do, It's About Who I Am
By: Missionary Team
“What do I have to offer? I am told that I have gifts and talents, but what are they? Everyone else can do something, but what can I do? I feel so useless.” I always struggled to understand my capabilities. After watching friends and family members find their passion, I doubted myself in the things that I could do. I accomplished things, but they never seemed to even compare with what others could do. I lost myself in others’ achievements.
When I started to work in an office, I started to realize what things I was passionate about. It only took me a couple years, but I saw how much I loved organization. Organizing. Making things neat. Keeping clean. These things can often be mistaken for chores, but, for some people, it’s what keeps them going. For me, it provides a relief system for my mind. I absolutely love organizing. It’s what I am most passionate about. If it’s not in order, my mind’s processing is not in order. As someone who struggles with major stress about the little things, it is that one thing I can always find to perk me up. Headphones and a dirty bedroom is all I need to relax.
But, organizing goes beyond the physical. It can be a very mental thing to maintain. After working on my self-awareness, I’ve been able to understand more clearly how my mind works. It relies on an organized system. When thoughts start to swirl and get messy, I get distracted and lose things. Thoughts come in order. I’ve seen this especially in prayer. I pretty much always forget what I prayed for the day prior. This is because I’ve moved on from one thought to the next one in line. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be able to remember everything that I need to pray for. Sometimes, it’s a frustrating thing, but I’m starting to understand the beauty in the disorganized pile of thoughts.
Yes, it’s hard to remember things, but it can be a blessing to get messy in front of Christ. He desires to fulfill what feels empty. He wants to take the confusion and turn it into clarity by the truth that only He can fulfill. It’s such a freeing experience to let my Father take all that I am and make it into love and approval for who I truly am. He gave me talents and he didn’t give me talents. What I mean is that He gave me what He wanted to give me; I didn’t get to choose. Even if I don’t have what I would have preferred, He blessed me with what was best for me.
If you struggle to see how God has gifted you, take the frustration and transform it into a prayer. Discover what your passions are. Take time and dive in. But just know, you are not alone if you question what you are capable of. I was in that place, too. Let it be messy, let it flow. It’s so easy to find our worth in the things that we do and to dwell in it.
Instead of dwelling on this frustration of my mind, I am grateful for the gift that God has given me. I’ve realized that I do have something to offer, even in the midst of the worthlessness I feel. But these things that I have done don’t define who I am. The achievements, accomplishments, talents, and rewards are not what make me amazing. I am good because I was created by a Father who loves me very much
