Overcoming Family Abuse
By: Missionary Team
Silence is never the answer
For 16 years I lived in silence. I was sexually abused as a young child by someone in my family and it was something I did not ever speak of or acknowledge outwardly until I was 16. The years I spent in silence were some of the hardest of my life. My depression and self-hatred crippled my joy. My self-worth and confidence were controlled by this “secret” that I was carrying. I was too scared, too alone, and I felt too broken to let anyone see my wounds.
Letting it hurt
Part of the reason I stayed in the silence was because I was afraid to let it hurt. I was fearful of the pain it would cause myself and my family to bring the abuse to the light. It was easier for me to say I was fine, I didn’t need help, and to say I forgive than to verbalize what had happened. The day I chose to tell my mom what had gone on, was the day I chose to let it hurt. And it hurt like hell. But it was worth it!
Speaking up and letting it hurt was the hardest thing I have ever done, but it was then that the Lord showed me how to let it hurt just like HE did. He hung on the cross and exposed all of the abuse and wounds he was going through to the whole world as an act of redemption. He wanted me to do the same, and to join with him in the freedom of letting it hurt. I remember the day I was open with my mom as probably the hardest day of my life. I do not regret that day though, and I look back and see it as a small imitation of Christ’s hardest day on the cross. And it was worth it for him.
Admitting the wrong, but not letting it have power
Another hard but amazing way that I am healing from my abuse wound, is by admitting that what happened to me was wrong, but that it has no power over me. In admitting the wrong, I am giving myself permission to let it hurt, but I am not defined by that hurt. It has no power over me, and I have to verbalize that. Letting my family into this truth, allowed room for conversations and healing to take place. I learned how to voice what I needed, and to let truth have power instead of hopelessness.
Praising God for the good
The moment that I choose despair or reasons to not be grateful in the area of my abuse, is the moment that I give into the lies that I am broken and too wounded to heal. But there is so much good that has come out of my journey with abuse. What happened was wrong. Period. But this wound gives me an incredible chance to speak to the glory of God in suffering.
Choose to make your story and your family one of hope and change
Whatever type of abuse you may have experienced in your family, let it be the force that drives you to bring hope and change. Once, I was talking to my counselor about how I felt too broken and that my wounds would not allow me to be a good wife or mother. She looked into my eyes and rejected those words with vehemence. She said to me (and I will never forget this) “No. Your story allows you to be a better wife and mom. You are going to be a great mom, and be sensitive to your family and kids because of what you’ve been through.”
There are many layers to each story and not one is the same. There is so much more to share, but I hope that this blog gives you a small glimpse of hope in your own suffering. Know that God has a perfect and unique path of healing for you.
The song “Wounds” by Jordan Feliz speaks powerfully to what I am saying here. As you listen or read these lyrics, let the truth of God’s healing speak into the depths of your heart. Don’t be afraid to let it hurt, to praise Him for the cross, and to know that His love does heal. Fully. Completely. Perfectly.
Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYAEp_fO8nc
