I rejected my friend’s view that optimism is somehow ignorance of suffering and that being joyful will pass when things get difficult enough. But what he said stuck with me and it came back most recently because things are happening in my life right now that are difficult, that bring tears to my eyes, and make my shoulders feel like I’m carrying a weight there. I mused on our conversation and decided to reconsider, think, look into my heart and see if he was right after all.

I miss my first-born daughter in a way no one else could possibly miss her. My relationship with her was unlike anyone else’s, and the void in my life and in my family feels so vacuous at times and it’s a very lonely and isolated place to be. The disbelief that the accident actually happened and resulted in Anna’s instant death washes over me again and again. How can it possibly be true?

There were so many things to look forward to in becoming a missionary, such as traveling, ministry, social skills, and job experience. But the thing that was always on my mind when discerning coming was being part of a community.

I learned to take the focus off me. I was afraid of messing up, stumbling, mispronouncing words, and embarrassing myself. I was standing up to read the Word of God and all that I could think about was myself.

Shame is not truth. Truth is giving it to God and accepting the mercy that He longs to give us. Truth is choosing to let go of shame.