Feeling’s Labyrinth
By: Missionary Team
Not too many people really approached me when I was younger, and most of the friendships I had formed always felt very thin, which separated me from having authentic relationships with others. It wasn’t until the middle of my time in high school that people started to reach out to me, and at first, it filled me with indescribable joy to know that people cared enough to hang out and just be themselves around me. Eventually, I let all the attention people gave me go to my head, and pretty soon I was obsessed with getting attention from those around me. I became so ingrained in my pursuit, that I started to become really down thinking that people wanted to avoid me, and I became angry by thinking that others were out to steal attention from me. I let this eat up so much for quite some time, but by the Grace of God, I was able to get out of that rut. Even afterward, I was so conflicted on how to deal with friendships, that I openly refused to get attached to anyone ever again, and was completely unaware of how harmful this was. It took me some time to figure out that what I was doing was getting me nowhere, and I needed a solution to where to go next. Do I open up with the chance of hurting someone, or do I stay closed off and lonely without having any friendships or attachments? This is what I asked, and this was the solution I have...
Here’s what happens when you close off, or at least in my experience. Everybody will have feelings and get attached, it’s human! And there is nothing wrong with finding connections between people, but if you close yourself off, you are denying your own nature. I thought staying closed off would make me free from getting hurt emotionally, but I felt so lonely and alone. As I tried to hold up this facade, I was missing opportunities for new friendships, and I was drifting away from people I used to know. I held on to this idea of isolation for so long, but I never once made a single friend in college. I’m serious when I say this, but denying one’s feelings can be extremely detrimental, and will only fuel a sense of loneliness and abandonment.
But what about accepting how you feel? What if I don’t want to feel hurt again? You may have felt this before, as do I, but do you want to know who wholeheartedly accepted the way He felt, even if it hurt? Christ! Jesus is so hurt every time we sin against Him, but He still loves us an insurmountable amount, trusting and waiting for that moment that we accept His Love. Christ was even afraid of what His Feelings and His Love would cost to help us: The most painful death imaginable. However, He still trudged on with His Passion and Death, and ultimately gifted us our salvation through it. Sometimes, life is going to hurt, especially between friends and family, but if your intention for others is good like Christ, there will be growth despite the pain and the suffering.
It may still seem confusing to many how we can accept our feelings and the hurt that will come along with them, but the best way I have discovered to do that is to love others as Christ did. To love like Christ, we must be willing to sacrifice our wants and desires in service to those that we connect with and those we have trouble connecting with, with the goal of bringing them closer to Christ. Denying oneself is difficult, without a doubt, but every time I have surrendered myself to help those I get along with and struggle to get along with, I feel such a peace that I cannot even describe in my heart. I encourage you all reading this, especially those who struggle with this very issue, to sacrifice and love like Christ did, and I promise you it will bring fulfillment to your life!
