Heaven Is My Home, Not My Family

By: Missionary Team

Home

Home is a four-letter word that people either regard with fond memories and can’t wait to visit or view as a foreign land of which they were once a part. For me, it’s the latter.

I have never really been able to relate with those who had a calm family. While I didn’t realize it for a long time, there was a lot of chaos that slipped into the cracks of everyday life. It sounds harsh, but it was what I was used to.

Fast forward into junior year of high school. At this point, I was the oldest kid who was consistently living at home with younger siblings in a household with a single parent. When I was at home, I was usually in my room watching Netflix or reading. But most of the time I was out. Actually, whenever I had the opportunity to do so, I would be out.

I remember staying out late at school dances or with friends just to get away, but when I came back home, I felt so alone. Because of yelling and abuse at home, I couldn’t stand even the happy moments, as they felt like a lie.

This was trash for my mental health. I saw myself as the fixer, the one who had to make things better. I put so much pressure on myself, but I thought that I needed to in order to survive. When those who had authority over me didn’t take responsibility, I felt I had to step in. If something bad happened, I thought it was my fault.

Here are some things that helped me through:

1. My Creativity
A big outlet for me was my creativity. I had an art class in school that really pushed me to invest in being passionate about something. This helped me get through difficult times as I could take spiraling emotions and difficult situations, and I could battle through them with art.

A big thing with making art is taking something as it is and infusing it with the true, the good, and the beautiful. And when you make a mistake, just add more paint. I could take the negative emotions I had and externalize them through my work. I could make my mess my message.

2. F is for Friends
As I stated previously, I needed a way to escape from the chaos. Friends were this way for me. In a world where I couldn't always see God’s love in my family, I had friends who spoke the truth to me. A truth that the lies others told me and the lies I believed about myself wasn’t legitimate. They brought me to youth group, church events, or were a call away when life seemed to be at its worst. I learned through my friends that when you are hurting and feel alone, the community is key. Yes, I isolated myself from them a lot, but when I got back out of my cave so to speak, they were there and ready to be present.

3. Having a Hopeful Outlook
The last thing that kept me going was the belief that it wouldn’t always be this way. This strong conviction not only gave me hope in the present but faith in the future. Yes, the future would be challenging, difficult all around to build up, and out of previous circumstances. The challenge is motivating, though, because it requires me to take risks. To believe that the story of life is bigger than me.

I came to realize that I needed to be set in my purpose, otherwise, nothing mattered to me. This purpose, which to this day I'm still working toward, is my relationship with God. Prayer was on and off for a while, but I can recognize that the times when I didn’t go outward and pray, I got the most lost in myself. In order to get through my challenges, I needed a strength that I did not possess myself. But Christ has it. He knew the pain I was experiencing and never for a moment left me alone in it.

Earth has always been our temporary home. We were made for more than this chaotic life. From my own personal experience, I’ve had to intentionally search more for my purpose, But it doesn’t mean that it is any less important, or any less there. In fact, because I don’t feel at home in my home, it only makes me long for Heaven as my real home all the more.

In John 14:2-3 it says, “In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be.”

God already has a home waiting for us with Him, and I know only with Him will I be satisfied. This life is temporary. While you may feel out of place with a messy family, there is a place where you most definitely belong. You just have to make it there.