Am I an “Active Person” or do I have an “Active Eating Disorder”?
By: Missionary Team
It’s so easy to trick ourselves by saying we are “active” or “healthy” when we are actually actively participating in an eating disorder. I speak from experience here, not from a licensed professional standpoint. However, I am familiar with tricking myself into thinking I am “active” when I am really “actively” participating in an eating disorder.
My Journey
For me, I was oblivious of my eating disorder for a long time. I didn’t eat enough, I exercised too much, and I was miserable. I kept saying to myself that I was just “eating healthy”, that I “liked to work out” and I kept trying to achieve the perfect body. Once I lost 30 pounds in six months and was so proud of my ability to not be hungry. Yet deep down I still felt the same negative way about myself and my body. Then I swung to the other side of the spectrum and started to binge and gain weight. I felt shameful and disgusting. Maybe you can relate. Here are some ways that I battle my eating disorder. I’m not perfect, and I still have tough days, but I promise –if you feel trapped, there is a way out.
1. I shared with someone
The first time I realized I had an issue, was when someone else was brave enough to share their story about their eating disorder. It hit me, that the misery that I was living wasn’t normal, and I finally say that I had an issue. I talked to someone I trusted about the ways I was bingeing and restricting -that was one of the hardest conversations ever. Acknowledging this massive, controlling and totally consuming problem in my life was terrifying, but it was the first step on my journey to freedom.
2. I saw a professional
Depending on the severity of each person’s personal eating disorder journey, sometimes a professional is needed. I was blessed with the resources to see a professional eating disorder therapist within a few months of realizing my struggle. My mind had become so twisted, that I didn’t know how to function normally or “gain control” of my eating, so I decided to seek some extra help. The key to making progress in these sessions was when I decided to do whatever that therapist said, no matter what. It was incredibly scary. I remember one time I gave myself permission to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (which had been a “forbidden” item in my diet for years) and I cried. I cried at how good it was, and that I could say that I wasn’t bad for eating it. Little by little, my therapist and I talked through the emotions of what I was feeling, and how they shouldn’t be handled with more or less food, but with trusted people. I didn’t have to use food as a crutch for my emotions any longer.
3. I learned to be an intuitive eater
The biggest way that I received freedom was using a tool called “Intuitive Eating”. (You can check out the principles here! ) My therapist taught it to me, and even though it seemed to go against everything I had been telling myself and what the culture says because I had committed to doing whatever she said, I did it. IT WORKED! After all the years of hopelessness and being consumed by food and body image, these principles restructured my mind to be healthy again. I keep their book on hand to go back to when I am struggling. (Our Books -Intuitive Eating)
4. I keep going –even if I slip up Practice makes progress–not perfection! I have to go back to the tools I learned and the principles I commit to living by over and over again. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about fighting for healing every single day. I have to go to scripture, I have to see what God says about me –that I am good enough for Him, I am His daughter. Sometimes I have a week or a period of time when all of the familiar “ED feelings” come at me in full force. During those times, I go back to the things I learned, and I have to choose my freedom. I promise, there is freedom. I’m praying for you as you venture on your own journey of freedom!
For Additional Help:
Eating Disorder Hotline: 800-931-2237
NationalEatingDisorder.org
