Christian* on the Line!
By: Mission Team
*My name is not actually Christian this is just a nickname I was given because I follow Christ.
We have early morning workouts here at Hard as Nails, and every Tuesday and Friday they are extra intense. The two intense workouts would always involve sprints at a point. Now for me, I am able to run fast for one sprint, and then I run out of breath and have to take a breather for like five minutes. Justin Fatica would have me sprint a ton, however. I honestly thought that it was because when we did pushups or squats, I was always the first to fall. So every time I would mess up, Justin would say to me, “Christian on the line, SPRINT!” I would have to run. I would have to race one of the missionaries and I would go again if I came in last. I kept having to be the guy who would sprint, all the missionaries would feel bad for me and say stuff like, “Man bro, Justin has it out for you or something!” I never quite understood why I have to run so much.
God forgave you! Now forgive yourself!
About two months into the missionary program, I still was called the most to sprint, and finally, right before I ran for what felt like the millionth time, Justin Fatica stopped me and said, “You need to have mercy in your life, have mercy on the people that wronged you, and especially have mercy on yourself.” As I was sprinting, I was in shocked silence as I thought about it. I struggle a ton with self-hatred, literally any small mistake I make, I beat the crap out of myself over it. Justin had me sprint until I understood that fact. Every time I messed up with the pushups or the squats or whatever, I would say to myself, “Come on, what’s wrong with you, can’t you do anything right?” And then I would find myself sprinting. Justin Fatica knew that I was going through something, God revealed it to him, and Justin knew that I was a very stubborn person that overthought everything. That was why I had to sprint so much. It was the only way that I could get the point through my head, that I needed to stop beating up on myself and start having mercy. I still remember when I was sprinting at one point, and Justin shouted across the gym, “Jesus died for you, He had mercy on you. Why is it that you can’t have mercy on yourself? Let go of the shame Christian, you are a gift, you are a son of God.” I literally started tearing up, because for the first time in my life, I truly believed that God has forgiven me of my sins and I didn’t need to hold onto the shame, and I could indeed have that mercy that had been missing from my life.
Mercy Accepted
It was really strange that after I accepted mercy into my life, the amount of times I had to sprint was very normal and in line with the rest of the missionaries. God is by far the most mysterious of anyone or anything I can think of. I mean heck, He let Justin Fatica know that I needed to start having mercy in my life, and so Justin had me sprint. God knows me too well. He knows that to get a point across to my head, I have to do something excessively intense. The sprints were the hardest thing for me to do, but through the pain that they were, I was able to find my fault, and now I am able to love God more. Self-hatred sucks, let's be honest here. It's a struggle that I am going to battle probably till I die, but now I know that to combat it, I need to have mercy on my neighbors and especially on myself. God made us good, and Christ died for us on a cross, so why in the freak should we hate ourselves if God loves us so much that He is willing to die for us?
Have mercy friends, do not hate yourselves or your neighbors, for as it is said in the Bible: “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”1 Corinthians 6:19-20 We and everyone we encounter area temple of the Holy Spirit, we are made in the image and likeness of God! Mercy... mercy is the word that I want you to take to heart. It's hard for me some days to accept that mercy from God, and have it on others, but that is the battle that God has given me, and I know that He would never give me a cross that I cannot carry, as He would never give you a cross that you cannot take up and follow after Him.
“Christian on the line..SPRINT!”(Shiver down the spine) Man! I can still hear those words echoing in my head...
