Does Their Happiness Steal Yours?
By: Chuck and Betsy Stokes
Have you ever had some great news to share, and after sharing it, felt disappointed at the reaction? Maybe you got responses like these: "Oh, is that all?" or "Well, let me tell you about MY good news!" or maybe the worst response of all: no verbal reaction but rolled eyes, raised eyebrows, or looking away with a smirk. (Paint that green, 'cause it's jealousy).
Romans 12:15 tells us to "rejoice with those who rejoice." Why would St. Paul make a point of instructing the troubled Roman church to practice this habit? Because it bonds people, connects them in love, and requires them to listen well and care for one another. And, it chases jealousy away. In other words, it's hard to be happy for someone while at the same time wishing she or he weren't happy.
Happiness Wants to be Shared
A hurt shared is a hurt cut in half, we like to say. In the same way, a happiness shared is a happiness doubled! Sharing your good news is part of feeling happy; these two things go hand in hand. Whenever you feel joyful, relieved, enthused—you want to share it with someone. It's part of enjoying life as a child of God.
In Luke 15, Jesus tells a story about a man finding a lost sheep: "Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'" A second story He tells is similar, but about a lost coin that a woman finds and then calls all her friends together to celebrate. Then Jesus explains that it's the same way in heaven: When a sinner repents, there is rejoicing among those in heaven! In other words, angels don't keep news like that to themselves.
Finally, Jesus tells the (now well-known) story of the Prodigal Son. In this powerful parable, He goes deeper into the truth of God's love, but He also talks about the "older son," who out of bitterness, refused to celebrate with his father. This jealous brother denied his father's desire to double his own happiness by refusing to celebrate with him.
Think about the last time that someone shared something happy with you. This could be a child with a new toy, a friend with a new car, or a spouse with a new perspective. Were you able to enter into your friend's world and rejoice with him? If you struggle with jealousy, then probably not. And if you're feeling jealous, then you're not open to connecting with your friend, so that precious opportunity for friendship building and joyfulness is lost forever. If you continue refusing to rejoice because you are stuck in jealousy, you will find yourself with few friends, and those friends will eventually stop sharing goodness with you.
Don't Let Jealousy Steal Your Joy!
1. Realize that simply wishing that you had what someone else has is normal. It can be inspiring and life-changing! We have a student in our college ministry who had a very difficult childhood, with angry, abusive parents who hate each other. When she sees what we have in our home, she wants it for herself. But she's not jealous. She doesn't try to make us unhappy or blame us for her pain. She asks how she can get some of that goodness for herself.
We have cried together with her, mourning that she never had the kind of comfort and peace growing up that she should have had. But we've also encouraged her that if she wants what we have, we will help her achieve it. She can still have a happy marriage and a healthy household and loving relationships with her future children. And through the college ministry and just spending time with her at our home, we are helping her to walk the path that ends up in that beautiful place.
2. Recognize that real jealousy is being unhappy because someone else is happy. Alongside that, there is a feeling that what you have is somehow less, now that this other person has something more. This leads to comparing, which steals gratitude from our hearts. And eventually, it kills any hope we have for our own happiness. All while ruining our friendships, which could have helped us achieve the happiness we're looking for! Jealousy leads to ingratitude leads to loss of hope leads to the very pain we were hoping to avoid by our jealousy.
3. Take your unhappiness to a friend for comfort. This should probably be a different friend than the one who is celebrating. Your pain still matters, and if you are able to receive comfort for it, that will make it easier for you to battle your jealousy.
4. Know that sometimes rejoicing with a friend is a sacrificial act. We don't necessarily feel like doing it when the time comes. Many of us have had to put our own desires aside in order to help a friend double his or her happy. It's part of being a Christian, and it's part of being a friend.
5. Get to know God's love better. Trusting Christ that He Loves you just as much as He Loves your happy, rejoicing friend... that's the key to being able to rejoice with a friend free of jealousy. Know that if the Lord isn't granting you something you want, then there's a reason. It doesn't mean that He doesn't Love you. That might be how people have treated you, but that's not God's style. So focus on your own relationship with the One who grants us all things, and ask God to make you happy—in the way that is special to His plans for you.
