It will be okay, I promise.
By: Micayla B
I had been told all the time growing up that I was the happiest girl you would ever meet. Little did anyone know what I was going through behind closed doors. I was 21 years old, depressed, hurting myself, anxiety-driven, and fully believed I was lost in the eyes of God. That was the me no one saw because I “Faked it to make it”.All of the time, it was a nonstop battle that I was slowly losing.
And at this point in my life, I didn’t see a future for myself. How could I? I had so many people who didn’t believe in me, want me, need me... or even love me. I had stopped believing in Jesus at age 18 because I believed He saw all the bad things that had been happening around me, to me, and never stopped it. I didn’t see a point to this thing called life, and quite honestly, I didn’t want to try anymore.
So,I made a plan. I wrote letters, a small will, had some money put away, and planned everything out. I was in therapy and my counselor had no clue what I was planning. I made the assumption that no one would miss me and that no one would care. One day, after a therapy session on a cold and very wet Friday, on my way home in February, I came around a corner in my car, ready to follow through with my plans, that I had worked on for a solid week. I had watched YouTube videos on how to cause an accident and not survive.
As I swerved, I saw flashing lights on behind me. I hit the brakes... and my car stopped. I don’t remember unlocking the doors, but the cop was able to open the door. I had already been crying, and just sobbed even harder. I couldn’t believe he had stopped me. He looked me in my eyes and asked if I was okay. I just kept crying. He got on the radio with dispatch, had me drive to a Dunkin Donuts, told dispatch he would be off the clock for three hours, bought me a coffee, and sat down just to talk with me. And I told him everything.
At the end of that time, he stood up, hugged me, and said the words I will never forget as long as I am breathing... “I know this hurts,I know it sucks and I am sorry you’ve had to go through this feeling so alone. But I promise you, this is going to get better. It’s going to be okay;I promise.” He had me promise him I would never try that again. And I promised, hoping he was right. That it all would change and get better as he said. It was the first time in a long time I felt hope.
I never got his name, didn’t see police insignias on his car, and I have looked for him. No signs of him anywhere. Three weeks later, I went to a Catholic Church on Easter, and three months later, decided I would convert. A year later, on March 31st, 2018, I became a Catholic. When I told this to a priest during my conversion, he told me that I had been saved by an Angel, and I believe it. When I got asked to pick my confirmation saint, I chose St. Michael The Archangel, because if any saint could help me with the attacks I was dealing with from the Devil, it was him. Through someone who loved me, I received a letter during my conversion with a bible verse they had found. It was as if it had been written just for me. “For I know well theplans I have in mind for you. Plans for your welfare and not your woe, so as to give you a future of Hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.
I know now that He has much bigger plans for me than I could ever imagine. And I thank God for the Angel that saved my life. I am happy, and healthy, and am now 25 years old. I never thought I would make it this far, but here I am at my Father’s will, and I know I am loved by him, which matters more than anything to me. I know he will continue to plan and watch over me. And I truly cannot wait for what he has in store for me.
And to whomever reads this, I just want you to know, He has a PERFECT plan for you, too! So please, don’t give up. He’s carrying you, even when you don’t feel like he is there. I didn’t know how much he carried me until I learned just how much he loved me, and then I knew. Sometimes the best place to be is in His perfect embrace. I promise it’s going to be okay. It’s hard now, but rely on Him, and you will be okay. Please remember, You are wanted, you are needed, and you are LOVED! You’re Amazing!
My name is Micayla B and I grew up in Maine, in the middle of nowhere. I’m 25 years old, I converted from Masonic Jew to Catholic, and am dating a very wonderful guy, who has become one of my biggest supporters and best friend. Weird fact, I’m a big Sci-finerd and my favorite color is green.
